“Baa Baa Black Sheep” was banned for Critical Race Theory — Oh! The Places You’ll Be Sent! Undocumented migrants take a magical journey North in this inspiring tale of forced relocation. Where The Wild Things Riot Max leaves home to become king of an extremist militia that rumpus against the liberal elites. One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Dead Fish Learn about…

Life’s pointless anguish in 17 syllables — We rush to our doom Realizing too late that We’re on the express The brakes screech and squeal But at least I can’t hear the Screaming in my head What is that dripping On the floor from that man’s pants I hope it’s soda A packed subway but Everyone alone with…

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a weaponized android is a good guy with a weaponized android. — The Second Amendment is under attack by people who claim they only want background checks for buying homicidal kill-bots, but don’t be fooled. They’re coming to take our homicidal kill-bots away. The rights of law-abiding Americans to protect ourselves with lethal cyborgs was enshrined in the U.S. Constitution, a perfect…

I’ve got super strength, and a wicked buzz — It’s me, Superman, and yes, I’m here to apologize. What happened yesterday was totally my fault. I ate some weed gummies, and I didn’t know how strong they were. It’s not an excuse, but I didn’t mean to get so blazed in the middle of saving the world. I had…

It’s not food or housing — “The White House on Friday pushed back against some Republican senators who expressed outrage at President Joe Biden’s new student loan relief program.” — Newsweek, July 22, 2023 Solar-powered dildo made from quinoa husks. Vacation in a furry-only hotel with choice of private or shared litter box. Ketamine therapy/spa/orgy. Weapons…

We welcome visitors to hunt for its concealed location — After a decades-long legal battle, a judge has ordered the Township of Susquatukbury to provide this guide for visitors who wish to take the endless and exhausting trip here from the city, instead of going to other beaches where they’d be more comfortable with their own kind. While technically complying…

Don’t you want to know what I’m talking about? — First published July 18, 2023 in Points In Case You can see from my social media that something is happening to me. Or it could be someone else. In any case, it’s a big deal. Or it’s insignificant. But there’s definitely good news. Or a catastrophe. You’ll only find out…

Do you like windburn, nausea, and the fear of drowning? — First published July 8, 2023 in Points In Case Come for a ride on my motorboat. It’ll be so much fun! Mostly for me, the person driving the boat, but you’ll have fun too, watching me. There’s so much to do besides admiring how commanding I look driving the boat…

I guess we’re just lucky! — Hi, I’m Peter, and this is my wife, Dana. We’re the good-looking White couple who suspiciously bought a house despite being the age when most people are struggling to pay rent. Yet here we are, fresh-faced and curiously home all day, moving into a house that’s bigger than anything you’ll…