Come Die on My Boat

Do you like windburn, nausea, and the fear of drowning?

First published July 8, 2023 in Points In Case

Come for a ride on my motorboat. It’ll be so much fun! Mostly for me, the person driving the boat, but you’ll have fun too, watching me.

There’s so much to do besides admiring how commanding I look driving the boat. There’s holding on for dear life as the boat lurches on the water, while you imagine being thrown out, or hitting your head on the minefield of sharp/hard surfaces and fixtures in the boat. It’s never boring when you’re gripped with terror.

There’s also the excitement of trying not to throw up. If you have to vomit, there’s a whole ocean available. Finding a place to retch has never been easier.

When you’re not feeling ill, you’ll be admiring the scenery. There are waves, and more waves, and a strip of land in the distance. Did I mention the waves?

A boat can take you to amazing places! You can go on the water to the left of the dock, or the water to the right, or the water straight ahead. Where will you end up? Surprise! You’re going to the water.

It’s so calming and meditative on the ocean. You’ll gaze at the horizon (when the glare isn’t blinding), think about your life, and imagine all the ways you can die. The boat can sink, or the engine can break. A shark could eat you, a propellor cut you, or a jellyfish sting you. There could be a storm that causes a shipwreck, like…