Member-only story
I Insist You Stay with Me, and You’re Going to Hate It
You’re staying with me when you’re in town, no matter how hard you fight it
First published May 9, 2022 in Points in Case
So glad you’re coming to visit somewhere near me! You’re one of my oldest friends, so I refuse to accept that you’d rather have the privacy, comfort, and convenience of your own vacation rental. I know you’re just politely refusing my offer because you don’t want to seem like you’re forcing yourself onto me. I know that’s not true. I’m the one forcing you onto me.
Now that I’ve threatened to end our friendship if you don’t stay with me, I should let you know that I’m remodeling my place, so there will be contractors in the living room where you’ll be sleeping. I usually sleep from 5 AM until noon, so expect to be up with me until five, and then wake up when the contractors start at 7 AM. Enjoy your mornings, and I’ll see you at noon!
You’ve had a long trip — would you like to take a shower? There’s no privacy to undress, so you’ll have to change in the bathroom. There’s nowhere to put your clothes, so you’ll have to bundle them on the doorknob. Anticipate some of them falling onto the wet floor while you’re showering, but don’t worry, hanging them in the damp bathroom will never quite dry them.
