I’ll Buy Your Mushroom Superfood If You Promise To Stop Asking

I’ll do anything to stop seeing your ads

First published November 6, 2022 in Points in Case

You win. I’ll buy your mushroom superfood even if I don’t want to. Just agree to stop carpet-bombing my social media with your relentless advertising.

I don’t have the energy to fight it anymore. The irony is that your mushroom superfood promises to give me more energy, which I wish I had now, so I could resist ordering it.

It seems like every week there’s a new superfood. I can usually ignore the ads, but not when I see them three hundred times a day. I’m not so much convinced as overwhelmed, and perhaps tacitly blackmailed. I’ll give you however much money you want to make them go away.

According to your ads, mushroom supplements provide a number of benefits. Specifically, every benefit — balance, focus, clarity, cognition, calmness, endurance, vigor, alertness, awareness, and immortality for all I know. It doesn’t matter if they don’t do any of that, I’ll buy them if it means I don’t have to think about them anymore.

The people in your videos are excited about adaptogens. I’ll be excited about them too, even though I don’t know what they are. I’ll swear to my friends and family that adaptogens have changed my life. Just tell me what you want me to do!

Is it possible that something we’ve been eating our whole lives has suddenly been…