My Self-driving Car Lets Me Focus On It Killing Me

I can stop driving while I wait for death

First published April 19, 2023 in Points in Case

“Autopilot, Enhanced Autopilot and Full Self-Driving Capability are intended for use with a fully attentive driver, who has their hands on the wheel and is prepared to take over at any moment.” — Tesla

Turn on your car’s autopilot. Now sit back, relax, and make sure it doesn’t murder you. It’s killed people before, so be ready to start driving again in the split second before it slams your car into oncoming traffic.

Driving can be stressful, which we know is bad for your health. Not as bad as a steel-crumpling collision that tears your arms off, but still bad. Better to be in a state of terrified anxiety that your autopilot could end your life at any moment.

You can let go of the wheel. Not all the way! What if the autopilot decides to careen off an overpass? Keep your hands on the steering wheel, but let the autopilot turn it, but be ready to snatch it back. It’s like when you’re worried about your drunk friend driving, so you go along to fight them for control of the car when they start to veer into the guardrail.

Will the autopilot slam on the brakes, causing you to be crushed from behind? Better keep one foot on the accelerator pedal, just in case. Or will it launch you off the side of a cliff? Better keep your other foot on the brake. Look at that — you’re almost not driving!